The voice in me

In today’s society, being single past a certain age can either make you a tragic mystery or a full-blown spiritual project. But after spending far more of my life single than attached, I’ve come to a very different conclusion: singleness isn’t a holding pattern, a curse, or a consolation prize—it’s a distinct, intentional gift meant to be faithfully stewarded.
In many African cultures especiallymy own, singleness is often viewed through a narrow lens—frequently treated as a temporary waiting room at best, or a cultural failure at worst. The unspoken expectation dictates that adulthood is only truly unlocked through marriage, leaving those who are unmarried feeling scrutinized, labeled, or subtly pitied.
Even within the church, this narrative often persists, where marital status is inadvertently framed as the ultimate marker of spiritual maturity or divine favor. Yet, this cultural and institutional pressure directly contrasts biblical teaching. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul speaks candidly about singleness not as a lack, but as a distinct spiritual gift—a state of life that offers a unique posture for focus, purpose, and service.
Singleness is not a curse to be broken, nor is it a sign that something is inherently missing or broken within a person. It is a season—or a calling—endowed with its own specific value.
The crucial question for anyone, whether single or married, is not what status they hold, but how they steward the gift they have been given. Is the season used solely for self-indulgence, or is it directed toward a higher purpose?
The true freedom of singleness lies in capacity:
1. Undivided Attention: Without the immediate demands of managing a household, providing for children’s school fees, or balancing spouse-related responsibilities, a single person possesses a rare level of flexibility.
2. Intentional Service: This unique bandwidth allows for dedicated focus—whether that means serving actively within the community and church, pursuing personal growth, or committing time to specific projects that require deep concentration.
3. Autonomy with Purpose: Freedom in singleness is not about self-centeredness or living answerable to no one; it is about having the latitude to deploy your energy, talents, and time where they are needed most.
It is time to shift the conversation. Marriage is a gift, but so is singleness. Neither state makes an individual more complete in the eyes of God or more worthy in the fabric of society. By retiring the labels and honoring singleness as a valid, purposeful season, both the culture and the church can empower individuals to live fully and intentionally, right where they are.