The voice in me

I have been going back and forth over this issue. Humans are social beings, we can’t live in isolation yet I always feel like i should self isolate.

As my journey has been unfolding, I have found myself wanting to delete myself from people. I changed my phone number which automatically removed more than half of people that used to be in my circle. I deleted numbers that I felt were nolonger worth keeping. Went silent on a number of groups I used to engage with.

But it wasn’t helping in anyway. I was still feeling the hurt. The pain of realizing how unimportant I was to certain people I thought were family. The pain of being shown the truth of where you stand in people’s lives. Repeatedly left when you needed love the most.Isolating did not heal me .

Sadly, even though I was trying to get closer to God I was also ‘low key’ isolating myself from Him. I don’t know how I got tricked into this. But somehow I was falling deeper into this world of just me against the world. You can kmagine how helpless that feels especially if you have low selfesteem.

Yes I have a loving family, surrounded with pretty awesome, supportive people at work, yet I was silently drowning.

It got me thinking,  what if this is exactly what the enemy wants me to do. Kill myself slowly ? If he can’t do it, he could possible trick me into doing it myself. Therefore I end up cutting off people that I probably need in my life (stopped going to church). Shutting people out to prevent hurt yet they were to help me grow.

When storms rise and you can’t pray, you can’t talk to people, the tendency is to close yourself in, but is that the best way out or you are simply making yourself more vulnerable to self damage.

Still the question is not answered,  what can you do?