Hear me out.

I looked back at my usage, and Google is on top. I don’t feel bad because I love expanding my horizons. A simple thought sends me deep-diving just to understand the world around me, figure out who I am, and see how I fit into the bigger picture.

​Which brings me to what I was searching into recently…

​#TruthfulTuesday: The Anatomy of Desire

​I was reading the book of Mark recently—specifically the passage where Jesus talks about prayer:

“What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.”

​The word that really caught my attention was desire.

​In this context, desire isn’t a casual wish. It’s a fierce, relentless, deep-seated will—a burning passion where you’re willing to give everything to see it come to pass. That is the exact level of desire tied to answered prayers.

​And honestly? That struck a painful nerve.

​The Safety of Numbness

​Looking back, I realized I’ve spent years training myself never to desire anything to that extent. If I’m being transparent, the one thing I’ve mastered is giving up. I am an expert at letting go before things get too heavy.

​Life taught me a harsh lesson early on: whenever you want something too badly, you lose it.

​To protect myself from disappointment, my heart learned to stop wanting. Numbness became my armor. If you don’t care deeply, it can’t hurt you when it falls apart, right?

​The Shift

​I used to ask myself: How do I build that kind of fierce desire when my survival mechanism has always been to expect nothing? How do I risk wanting again when fear tells me desiring something is the quickest way to lose it?

​Then it hit me.

​The mistake wasn’t having deep desire; it was where I was placing it. Life guarantees inevitable losses and disappointments, and placing ultimate desire on earthly things will always trigger fear. But when we set our desire on God Himself and His will, everything changes.

​That’s why Jesus said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God… and all these things shall be added unto you.”

​Conclusion

​Maybe that’s why my screen time is filled with searching and learning. Seeking knowledge is safe—it gives us a sense of control without risking our hearts.

​Where I am now is learning to redirect that deep longing away from temporary outcomes and onto God. Desiring Him is the ultimate goal, and it’s the only place where desire is completely safe from loss. When your heart is set on Him, you gain a peace that lets you sail through life’s inevitable storms without needing numbness to protect you.

​Where do you usually anchor your desires when praying for big things?