After a long day at work, just found myself feeling a bit emotional. Nothing dramatic happened, but couldn’t help but feel awful inside. After some time meditating, praying ,a thought came to me.
What if am feeling this way because I have been giving and giving without taking time to recieve. My emotions have been invested in so many things. Been giving my attention, time and heart to things around me with nothing coming my way hence I felt so empty inside.
I the remembered one of Joyce Meyer’s sermons where she shared about how she has adapted a new habit. ‘To recieve God’s love.’ Also King David in Psalms 23, there is a part that says ‘He restores my soul ‘.
It’s not the first time I have felt this way. It happens more often than not. Now am starting to think that I do not refuel myself enough. I get cranked up emotionally because I will be now running on an empty cup.
Daily I need to take time to put back what has been taken . Daily I need to refill my cup. Daily I need to recieve God’s love.
Everyone has a right to their own beliefs. I for one am of the opinion that animals welfare is better suited than animal rights.
Why do I say so, though am not much of a meat lover, am not an advocate for the idea of not having a barbecue because of violating animal rights.
Don’t get me wrong, I love animals. But am of the belief that these are beings given to us by God for us to take care of them and them taking care of us. We keep the cattle, they give us milk, meat, hide, the list goes on.
There is a sense of responsibility on our side to cater for their needs ,their well being, which is were animal welfare comes in.
What we can’t get from the natural means they will have to be synthetically manufactured. And I don’t know if that will be a good idea ,healthwise environmental friendly wise and the future .
If we can’t kill the animals then don’t kill the plants either. According to science they are also living beings.
And yes there is a difference between animal welfare and animal rights. I am an animal welfare advocate.
Been asking myself so many questions and I can’t seem to find the answers. In a volatile state, anything can happen and everything can change. It’s a very uncomfortable position to be and it’s all because of these questions. Questions I have to face in order to move forward. Career, faith, any many other life choices are all putting me in the hot seat.
The big question however is am I diving into deeper matters that have to be resolved or I have reered off into the deep dark woods am not supposed to be in the first place.
Not that it’s taking away my peace, but I sure do feel off balance as each choice can significantly transform everything and the effects will echo years into the future.
Should I change my career or not?
Should I start the business or not?
Should I quit my job or not ?
Should I migrate to a different country again or not?
Should I consider dating again or not (been 2 years now)?
Should I go back to school or not?
How do people decide what they want really? I can’t even tell if I enjoy what I do . My mind has always been trained to do what am supposed to do. The aspect of loving or enjoying is rather strange to me. I studied school so that I could pass and proceed. I went to college because it was expected of me that was the only road map. Now am working because I have to start taking care of myself as a grown up. Am supposed to do all these.
Read somewhere that people tend to find their niche when they answer the golden question ‘If there were no limitations what would you love to do?’ Well I don’t know.
Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?
El Royi- the God who sees me
It had been a very trying season. I was lost , heavily discouraged and couldn’t see the light ahead.
My teenage self was sinking in self doubt, loneliness and a deep sense of being a failure. I remember this day so well. Crying in my bed alone and no one knew of my internal turmoil.
But all of a sudden, I felt my atmosphere changing. It was as if a warm blanket wrapped around me. My tears dried and a deep sense of peace came from nowhere.
This had never happened to me before and I havnt experienced it again since then. But in that moment, it left like God was letting me know that He was there with me. He was holding me and that I shouldn’t worry. He was telling me that” Hey ,I love you, am here for you. Don’t cry.”
I felt known,I felt like I mattered and I felt loved.
I thought I wasn’t going to answer this one , but oh well here it is.
Eagle
I have often heard stories about this magnificent creature and must say, I have always been inspired.
This bird apparently doesn’t run away from storms, it can ride on the current and stay above it.
When attacking or being attacked this bird is said to just change the battle ground altogether. It will take off high, high up into the sky with its opponent, totally changing the atmosphere to its advantage. A snake might not do too well up there.
The way it trains its young ones for life is quite fascinating. It will literally destroy the nest ,shake them off to teach them how to fly. But will gently catch them until the get it right.
Those are just some of the things I have been told about this bird. Not even to mention it’s physically features. The majestic, powerful wings, impeccable vision, strong daring claws, and yes the cry, as if it’s calling out for greatness.
On one of my trips I went for bird watching. Boy ! the joy that flooded my heart when I heard the eagles call, not to mention when I actually saw one.
Yes it was just me. In a foreign land, foreign language and foreign culture. Never thought I had quit an adventurous spirit.
I took off early in the morning all by myself, determined to try something new. Had been told of a retreat site, remote, beautiful and peaceful but miles away.
This amazing experience birthed unexpected friendships, courage, confidence and pure joy, I never knew I could have.
The real battle in life is right inside of us. Have always heard this statement, read about it, sang it, wrote about it, but it had never really sunk deep.
Had a chat with my God given mentor, telling them my plans the way I always do, but with a sprinkle of ‘negativity ‘. Was told there and then , that I need to stop with my current vocabulary and cultivate my faith. It’s as if am doubting everything before starting . Was reminded that the Bible says a double minded person is unstable in all his ways. Also tells us that such should not expect to recieve from God ( James 1). And guess what, for the greater part of my life , all my decisions have not been stable, life itself hasn’t been as stable not to mention the list of unanswered prayers or let’s say yet to be answered prayers.
I had to take some time to think, why do I have this negativity towards life . In my mind seeds were sown , by the devil ofcause. And these are some of the lies that have been controlling my life
1. I will only recieve what God wants me to have not what I want.
2. I always desire the wrong thing , which is not good for me so God will not provide.
3. Nomatter what effort I put, there is something in my life, like a curse, that will make it all meaningless or unfruitful . So I don’t necessarily succeed in anything .
These are like the top 3 strongholds that the devil put in my mind. Coming from that mindset, planning anything ahead ,is already starting on self doubt and not even sure if God has my back.
I discovered mine and am working on changing that. And yes might share the journey here.
How about you, what is controlling your life right now . What sets the bars for you? Victory from these start by you recognizing that there are certain strongholds in your life and it all starts in the mind.
